Introduction: The Dream of Manderley

Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again. I stood in front of the iron gates at the beginning of the drive. When I had first seen those gates, they had been open wide to welcome me. Now, in my dream, they were closed. Behind them, the drive went on to Manderley.
In my dream, I was able to pass through the closed gates. I walked up the long winding drive. The trees and flowers grew near to the drive and grass almost covered it. As I came to the last bend of the drive, I felt the old excitement. I was near to Manderley again. At last, I could see Manderley. The old house was as beautiful as ever.
It was moonlight in my dream. The pale light shone on the windows and grey stone walls of the old house. And in my dream I saw the sea. It was silent and smooth as glass. For a moment, the house seemed full of light. I thought that we were living there, happy and secure.

The moonlight shone more clearly. Now I saw that Manderley was an empty shell. Only the grey stone walls remained standing. No one would ever live there again. We would never live there happily, Maxim and I. We would never live there free of Rebecca, free from thoughts of the past.
I woke up. Manderley was far away. Hard, bright sunlight shone into our bare hotel room. The long, empty day lay in front of us. Nothing much would happen. Nothing ever did. But we had a quiet peace, Maxim and I, that we had never known before. We did not talk about Manderley. I would never tell Maxim my dream. Manderley was no longer ours. It had been destroyed long ago by evil and hate.
We shall never go back to England. Even after nearly twenty years, the past is too near to us. We try to forget the fear and terror but sometimes we remember.
We are often bored in this dull little hotel. But people who are bored are not afraid. We read the English newspapers, but we never meet English people, thank God.
This hot little Mediterranean island is our home now. We shall never again feel the softer warmth of the English sun. We shall never again stand in the Happy Valley and smell the scent of its flowers. Here, the hard light of the sun shines on white walls. The trees are dusty. The sea is a clear blue.
We have lost a lot but I have at last grown up. I am very different from the shy, frightened girl who first went to Manderley. The fear and the terror made me a woman. A dull woman perhaps. But I am with my husband and he is all I need.
Sometimes I see a strange, lost look in Maxim’s eyes. I know that his thoughts are far away. Then he sits quiet and still in his chair. After a time, he begins to talk. We talk about anything in order to forget the past. We have both known fear. We have both known pain and loneliness. That is all over now. Manderley has been destroyed. But we are still alive and we are both free.