CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Friday, 29 October 1943

Mr Kleinian is out of hospital now, but his stomach is still bad. He had to go home again today because he wasn’t well.

Mr van Daan has sold his wife’s best winter coat. She wanted to keep the money to buy new clothes after the war. Mr van Daan could not make her understand that the money has to be used for the Annexe. They shouted and screamed at each other – it was terrible.

I’m OK, but I’m not hungry at the moment. People say, ‘You look awful, Anne!’ Sundays are specially bad. It is deathly quiet then. I feel as though I am being pulled down into hell. I am a bird without wings who can’t escape. A voice inside me cries, ‘Let me out! I want to go into the fresh air. I want to hear people laughing!’ I don’t answer the voice, but just lie down on the sofa. Sleep makes time go more quickly.

Wednesday, 3 November 1943

We’ve decided to start our fire at seven-thirty on Sunday mornings, instead of five-thirty. I think it’s dangerous. The neighbours may see the smoke, and what will they think? The curtains are a problem too. They cover the windows completely, but sometimes someone here will decide to take a little look outside. Everyone complains, but the answer is, ‘Oh, nobody will notice.’ That’s how things start to get dangerous.

We are not quarrelling so much. Only Dussel and the van Daans are enemies at the moment. Dussel talks about Mrs van Daan as ‘that stupid cow’, and she calls him ‘an old woman’!

Monday evening, 8 November 1943

We all have different moods here, up and down. And my mood is sad now. Miep says that we are peaceful here. But it’s like a small circle of blue sky. We eight people in the Annexe are in that circle, but all around us are dark clouds and danger. The circle is getting smaller, and the darkness closer. If we could fly up into that blue sky, into heaven… Oh circle, open wide and let us out!